Monday, August 27, 2007

It's Not Easy Being Green

Written by Nutmeg from Simply Nutmeg

I recently attended an afternoon party with a group of young urban professionals, metrosexuals, and snobs, none of whom had children. Although the hosts were childless, the invitation clearly said “Bring the kids!” I knew I was in trouble when I joined the small crowd arriving on the front porch. Everyone looked so chic, with their high heels, beautiful little gift bags, and envelope-sized designer purses. I made my entrance lugging a diaper bag, a sack of toys, an art kit, a collapsible scooter, and four small, hungry, and uncooperative children. Was I supposed to bring a gift too?



The hostess looked at our entourage with real fear in her eyes and began lifting all her breakables to higher ground. Did she not read the invitation she sent out?

To say I felt out of place at this party, where I only knew the hostess, is akin to saying water is wet. Everybody had tasteful piercings and trendy Celtic ankle tattoos, while the coolest thing I was sporting was my new Velcro nursing bra. It was like an Abercrombie and Fitch fashion show only I looked more like I belonged on a Gap runway. In 1998.

You know it's bad when someone says," What's that smell?" and everyone looks straight at you. What? It’s not me! It’s him! Give me a break, he’s a baby and he tried sour kraut last night!

Whenever I attempted to mingle with a group, the intellectual conversation seemed to grind to a stop. You'd think I was wearing overalls with hay sticking out of my hair and a monkey slung on my hip. Why is it that people see a mother with more than two children and automatically assume that she is of one dimension? Is it impossible to believe that I may also be colorful - intelligent, modern, witty, even hip? I mean, I know Billy Holiday was a woman! I vote! I listen to Modest Mouse! I've inhaled!! And yes, I have heard of birth control, thank you!

There was a time when I would have tried to justify myself to this crowd, to point out that while I manage four children and run a house, I also hold down a job, freelance write, and have my own blog. That Bossy reads. But somehow I would have only ended up sounding like the porn star calling herself an actress, or worse, like one of them.

I realized as I stood in that crowd, that I no longer have a need to justify myself to anybody. I stand out like flashy sparkles in the water because I'm happy, authentic, and finally comfortable in my own skin, even if, on occasion, it might look a little green.

18 comments:

AmandaD said...

Nobody puts Nutmeg in a corner.

I'd take '98 Gap over present day AF any day.

Beautifully done, as always.

Beth the Sensible said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth the Sensible said...

Ooops - let's try that again! I absolutely loved your post and could very much relate. It's as though they think our brains came flying right out with the baby!

Liz said...

I know this crowd. I used to be part of this crowd. They're the "I feel inadequate so I must make you feel inadequate" crowd. Aren't you glad you have kids to remind you what's really meaningful? Enjoyed this post, and enjoyed your blog too!

Joy, of course said...

Oh Nutmeg, you are my hero. I would have wilted like a flower right there under such derisive scrutiny. I am already so insecure about this topic, it's easy for me to believe that I actually have less to offer intellectual conversation now that I am a mother of four.

I am so proud of you for believing in yourself and being unaffected.

Jen M. said...

Oh, I relate to this one!

Lara said...

i would have made one of those snobby tarts hold the stinky kid for a while. and i probably would have hoped for a little leakage on their nice shiny clothes.

oh, and i agree with amanda that '98 gap is classic and modern A&F sucks.

Denise said...

Well, I spent a couple of hours outside an Abercrombie store today, sitting on a bench trying to make my Mac beep so the people at the Apple store would believe me. It's dark and it stinks of cheap cologne (Abercrombie, not my Mac). They got nuthin' on Gap, 1998 or otherwise. And no, my Mac wouldn't beep for the Apple geniuses but started right up beeping as soon as I turned it on at home.

Evelyn said...

This is so funny! You've got guts, girl! I would have found the fastest way to quietly disappear and go to McDonald's. I guess it wasn't humorous at the time, but what a great story!

nutmeg said...

Yea! If only I could have spent the afternoon with my awesome blogger/reader buddies. Thanks guys!

BetteJo said...

I just hate any group that makes people feel uncomfortable or worse - unwelcome or out of place.

I think most people have ended up in a similar situation but really, the only one with kids?? Ugh.

Still, told with humor and I could see you showing up lugging all your kid 'supplies' which would not have made a ripple if it were a party that had other families there! Hysterical.. to hear anyway!

Jen E said...

OMG, Nutmeg!!! This was great! Don't worry about those snobs. They don't deserve you!! Great post!

The Farmers Wife said...

wow girl you certainly have guts. I think I would have sloped off as soon as I could with my tail firmly between my legs.

Sad isn't it that people can make us feel that way just because we have children, like it somehow makes us less important or interesting than them.

BOSSY said...

You're top shelf in Bossy's universe.

Cori@SAHMbles said...

Great post as always and yes as someone else already stated I used to be one of those snobby people without kids that looked down my nose at moms.

You can come and hang out at my house any day, but I warn you my laundry is piled up on the dining room table, the house smells like cat poop and dirty diapers and my dog drools, but the coffee is always on, so come and sit down at my kitchen table and we'll watch 6 kids run around and destroy what's left of my house.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I seriously busted up at: "You know it's bad when someone says," What's that smell?" and everyone looks straight at you. What? It’s not me! It’s him!" ...Literally rolled out of my chair laughing.

And you do sparkle.

Crystal said...

I love this post. I am so happy I came across this today.

Mama Zen said...

Gosh, people! Kids aren't contagious!

This was hysterical!

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