Written by Lord Likely
There is not much I do not understand, being a rather well-educated and learned member of the aristocracy. I like to consider myself as a veritable fountain of knowledge, full to the brim with 'answer water'.
However, even I must confess to not fully understanding one of the great mysteries of the world: women.
Being a highly desirable and ridiculously wealthy bachelor, I have had numerous dinner-dates with a fine selection of ladies, yet nearly all of these encounters have ended in disaster.
One of my most recent soirées was with a Miss Lucille Terri, a formidable woman with an equally formidable frame. We had been bought together by the machinations of her father, a good friend of my father's, who had hoped she might marry into the aristocracy and make a lady of herself.
However, things did not start well when we met in one of London's finest eateries, The Bloated Ram. Fretting about her choice of evening-wear, Miss.Terri asked, "does this dress make me look fat, my lord?"
I looked her up and down, and replied, "No, my dear, the dress is perfectly fine. However, your face and body do make you look slightly portly, it must be said."
Suffice to say, our date was cut short right there and then, as she walloped me in the face with her hand-bag and stormed off. I was dumbfounded. Why was she so angry? Had she not sought my opinion on the matter of her weight? Had I not provided a truthful and honest answer? Why ask me for such things if she is to so easily take offence?
Women. I shall never understand them, but neither shall I stop courting. And that, my friends, is the real mystery.-
Lord Likely is a Victorian lord, an aristocratic adventurer, and a gentleman of action. His exploits can be digested in full at his blog, The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely.