Monday, October 1, 2007

Confessions of a Multitasking Mom

Written by Mama Zen from The Zen of Motherhood

When I hear the phrase “multitasking mom,” I get an instant mental picture. I picture a smiling, put-together woman exercising on the treadmill, working her Blackberry, and effortlessly wrangling her children, all at the same time. If only I were that cool! Oh, don’t get me wrong; I can multitask like the most Alpha of moms if I have to. It’s just that my best multitasking takes place . . . on the toilet.

That’s right, on the toilet. Since I became a mom, I have learned how to fully utilize my time on the throne. Here are my secrets for making the most out of one’s potty breaks.

• Think deep thoughts. When else will you have the chance?
“Why can’t there be an end to conflict in the Middle East?”
“Why does the girl at the grocery store keep charging me for zucchini when I’ve clearly got cucumbers?”
“Why didn’t I realize that there was no toilet paper before I sat down?”

• Negotiate peace. This will require you to yell at top volume, so it is also fine exercise for the lungs.
“Baby Puppy, mind your Daddy.”
“Tell Daddy I said it’s OK.”
“I said it’s OK!”

• Direct all household activities. Take a moment to bask in the glow of being needed.
“The Shrek Baby is on top of your dresser. Next to the penguin!”
“There’s a new bag of Cheetos in the pantry.”
“Would one of you, please, let the dog out!”

• Tend to personal grooming.
Clip toenails.
Measure your leg hair (ok, that’s just for fun).
Examine that weird mole thingy on your calf.

• Talk on the phone.
Um, yeah. That “whoosh” sound you heard last time you called? Well, now you know.

These are just a few of the tricks that I use to maximize my “potty productivity.” Finding time to pee? Well, if anyone knows that secret, please clue me in!

When she’s not servicing her man or caring for her four-year-old daughter, Mama Zen can be found blogging at The Zen of Motherhood. That is, if she’s not hiding in the bathroom!


nutmeg said...

I always debate whether or not to flush. Will they hear it and know I'm conducting a conference call and peeing at the same time? And how are you at pulling your pants up with one hand? Me? Not so good.

Robin Marie said...

I've gotten really good an smooshing my thumb over the speaker-area when I flush. They may wonder why the line seems to go dead for a moment, but they'll never know why.....

Except now they do. Darn.

Mama Zen said...

Sweatpants, Nutmeg. My answer for everything!

Will have to try that, Robin Marie!

Thanks for commenting!

Sheila said...

I admit, if I am the phone while using the toilet, I will press the mute button while I flush. I try to not do it often. If I could multi-task while showering, that would be great! I seem to get my best ideas while in the shower but forget half of them by the time I'm out and can write them down!

Jen E said...

Yeah, all my deep thinking happens when I can't write anything down--on the toilet, in the shower, driving. I personally don't flush but I'm really good at the one-handed pants pull--learned that one with the colicky baby. :)

Mama Zen said...

Oh, I wish that I could multitask in the shower, too!

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