Monday, July 23, 2007

Dear Editor

Written by Mama Zen from The Zen of Motherhood


Editor

Top Blog Mag


Dear Editor,

I recently received your call for submissions for the upcoming issue of Top Blog Mag. While I find “Thinking About” to be an intriguing theme with numerous possibilities, I’m afraid that I must decline to participate at this time.

You see, dear Editor, when I started thinking about what I’m thinking about, I found that I couldn’t think of a damn thing! Some would call it writer’s block, I guess. I prefer to think of it as having an uncluttered mind.

Anyway, I tried, I really did. I tried funny. I’m a stay-at-home mom; I trip over funny all day long. Just this morning, I caught my daughter beating the dog with a foam baseball bat. When I scolded her, she indignantly informed me, “Snoopy is pretending to be a piñata!” Great source material, but I just couldn’t make it work.

I tried serious. God knows there’s plenty of serious stuff to write about. Young men and women, barely out of their teens, dying overseas in a war that . . .oh wait, the electricians here. OK, and the current administration just keeps . . .hang on, telephone. And the hypocrisy of the whole Scooter . . .”coming!” Now, how the hell am I supposed to focus on the burning issues of our time, when I can barely concentrate on not burning the pork chops?

Finally, I tried personal. I don’t really do a lot of personal. I don’t write about the sweet, slow burn of whiskey. Or the twilight breeze against my bare back. Or mumbled words. Or fumbled buttons. Or the peculiar restlessness that seems to strike me this time of year. I just don’t. Too many people do personal far better than I do, so I just leave it alone.

As you can see, dear Editor, I am in writer’s hell. All I can think about is that blank screen taunting me and daring me to just try and fill it. And, I got nothing. Nothing at all.

I apologize for any inconvenience, and good luck with the upcoming issue.


Sincerely,

Mama Zen

When she’s not rescuing puppies or starting kitchen fires, Mama Zen blogs through her writer’s block at The Zen of Motherhood.

16 comments:

The Good Woman said...

I had similar problems with this one... But a very original idea, Mama Zen - an anti-post!

The Farmers Wife said...

It is the same feeling you get when someone says "tell me a joke". the last thing you can think of is something funny.

"Snoopy is pretending to be a piñata" has got to be one of the best lines ever. Where does she get this stuff from? I have a feeling she is going to grow up to be a comic genius.

Absolutely Bananas said...

oh you have captured the stay-at-home mom's paradox PERFECTLY! Love this!

amaras_mom said...

I was thinking about what I should write in response to your letter. I'm stuck.

You? You make writers block sound intriguing!

Mama Zen said...

What kind, generous souls you all are! Thank you!

bellevelma said...

Awesome! I'll have to email my husband about this because if I say it outloud, the dog "pretending to be a pinata" my son will hear it (he's got bionic ears) and will think it's a good idea to try at our house. Only we don't have any foam bats so that could be bad.

nutmeg said...

You are the BOMB, Mama Zen!

WhyMommy said...

Nicely done!

shauna said...

As someone else so aptly put it, the anti-post! You're too clever for your body, too clever for your body, too clever... Your blog is da bomb, by the way. I'm just lovin' it to death!

Misssy M said...

That's not writer's block- that's "mental plate spinning".

Your daughter is an evil genius, btw.

Mama Zen said...

"Mental plate spinning . . ."

I like it!

Loving all these great comments!

Amanda said...

How masterful, to take a block and wield it with such daring. I feel humbled and awed by your creative stagnation and its brilliant translation to genius.

Well done, Mama Zen, well done.

Shawn said...

Ha! Very cute. Well done, too. And, of course, we can write about being pathetic all day long, but who wants to read that ... oh, wait, I do!

Mama Zen said...

"Pathetic," I've definitely got covered!

AuthorMomWith Dogs said...

If only I could write that well with writer's block... :)

Jen E said...

My gosh, you are talented, woman!!! Thoroughly enjoyed it!!

Featured Post and Blog of the Week



You Are Here

by Amie from
MammaLoves...


You did well in school to get into college. You tried to get by well enough in college to be attractive to an employer or graduate program, and along the way you may have opened your heart a time or two. Maybe you even found true love.

With a foot in the door, the first years of work were the time to
prove your mettle once again. Promotions, raises all with the goal to secure your future will allow you to settle down, buy a house, travel, commit to a relationship, have kids or not. In what feels like a blink of an eye, your future is here.

And now what?


Read the full post...

Chance Favors Only Those Who Court Her

by Debbie from Missives from Suburbia


After a less-than-friendly divorce, I was on the market again. Seizing the opportunity, my friends scoured their address books and Palm Pilots for single men and set me up on blind date after blind date. My reaction to most of those dates was, "I call these people my FRIENDS?" One of my real friends suggested Match.com, and given how much I love the Internet, I gave it a go.

A couple months of e-dating passed by in a blink. It was fun, but so far nothing meaningful had hit my radar, and my match inventory was starting to run low. You see, Match.com "matches" you to people based on a list of your requirements, and I'd pretty much run through all my existing matches who didn't seem psycho or stoned, based on their profiles.

Then, one day, I got an email from a guy who was not a match by my standards...

Read the full post...

A Lost Opportunity

by John from Altjiranga Mitjina


Trying to break in as a writer in the comic book industry can be a bit like the one legged man in a butt kicking contest. Every step forward you make means you land on your butt after your kick forward. Comic books are a visual medium. An artist can bring a portfolio to an editor at a convention and said editor can sit there and look at it within minutes and decide if this artist is worthy of working on the newest issue of Stupendous Man or not. Trying being a hopeful writer handing over a script to this same editor at a busy comic convention. You’ll be lucky if the editor agrees to take the script and promise that they’ll look at it later. Most times the hopeful writer is told to send for their submission guidelines and mail in their proposal.

The best way for a writer is to find an aspiring artist and hook up...

Read the full post...

Jesus Toothpaste!

by Karen Rayne from Adolescent Sexuality Today with Karen Rayne, Ph.D.


This weekend I went out of town, leaving my family to fend for themselves. On Saturday, my darling husband took my two darling daughters – 6 and 3 years old – to what he heard was a fun new toy store in town. Great, right?

They walk in the door, and the 6-year-old pipes up with “Look, Daddy! Jesus toothpaste!” He takes one look, puts one hand on each girl’s shoulder, and does a 180 out of the store. It may be a fun new toy store, but it’s intended clientele does not include the under-13 set.

When I got home on Sunday, the first thing the 6-year-old says to me was, “Guess what! We saw Jesus toothpaste!” I blinked, figuring I hadn’t heard her correctly. Regrettably, I had...

Read the full post...

A biker, a green thumb, a cracked hand, and a Queen.

by Megan from Velveteen Mind, originally guest posted at Queen of Spain


A random biker on a Harley-Davidson took my picture last week. What I wanted to do was take his picture, but I hesitated. Now, instead of a photo of some random biker holding an i am bossy.com bumper sticker, all I have is a lame photo of me holding the bumper sticker and the mental picture of him riding off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

Okay, it wasn’t as romantic or dramatic as that. It was nine in the morning and there was no sunset.

This is not the first time that I have hesitated to seize an opportunity. I don’t expect it will be the last. However, I hope with each lost chance for something intriguing, I will lose a shade of that hesitation for next time...

Read the full post...