Written by Mommy Vents
It was a beautiful sunny day, August 27th 2004, and my Dr was sending me to the hospital because she felt I was ready to give birth to my first child. My story is not about the actual birth of my daughter, as that was quite easy, yes about 30 minutes and a few pushes and out she was. I felt great, easy first birth, healthy beautiful baby girl, lucky me.
My story is about after the birth. I was finally moved from the labor room to a regular room. It pretty much went downhill from there. It was a Friday night and very crowded. I was put into a single room with a roommate. What this meant was that my roommate’s night table was poking into my bed behind the curtain. My husband was not allowed to stay. He left me for the night. I was nursing my daughter so at about 2am the nurse brought her to me. Then she left me.
Here I was, sitting on a maxipad full of ice, cramping and bleeding, having to pee, but unable to get up, and they leave me my baby girl with NO advice whatsoever on how to nurse her. After many attempts (in my mind) of nursing her, I called for the nurse and said I was done. The nurse said well how long did she nurse? I replied “maybe 3 minutes or so, she keeps falling asleep” The nurse said “oh you have to feed her longer, wake her up and keep trying.” She left me again. At this point the hormones are raging and I am crying because quite frankly I am scared beyond belief on how I am going to be a Mom. Again I tried nursing her, again I called the nurse, and again she told me to try harder.
Finally I convinced the nurse that she ate and they took her away, at this point I had to pee and change my ice. Making it to the bathroom was like a mini triathlon, first the walk there, then the squat, then the change of pad, then back to the bed. Once I made it back to the bed I tried to sleep, unfortunately by then it was 6am and guess who they brought back for more food…..my daughter. That morning before my husband arrived my father called, my parents live about 45 minutes away and I knew they would be visiting that day. My father was calling to tell me they would not be coming. My father said, “Your Mother had a fall last night.” I held my breath and my tears, what? “She is ok, but she is in the hospital, she broke her wrist and her heel.” What?
At that moment my only concern was for my Mom, I am a huge Mama’s girl and the thought of her hurt broke my heart, the thought of me not being able to help her was unbearable. At this point I am balling but trying to hide it from my Dad. Meanwhile I am also trying to hide it from my roommate who is sitting on top of me. The rest of the day is a blur as I tried to nurse, take care, and enjoy my new baby. I was exhausted, and I was unable to fully let my feelings out due to having a roommate.
Finally we were moved into a double room and we had it all to ourselves. This lifted my spirits. My in laws came, my sister came and then my Dad came. All the visitors helped a ton. I talked with my Mom a few times and we were both being strong and making sure the other didn’t feel too sad.
Because I gave a vaginal birth, I was to be discharged Sunday. Saturday night my Dr.’s partner visited me, as she was the one on call. I LOVE my Doctor. She is highly conservative and provides top-notch care. The partner asked me questions regarding how I was feeling. As you could imagine she had an earful, my first child coupled with my Mom being hurt. Her words of wisdom (which I thank God for everyday) were, honey you can not do it all, you are going to have to be up with this baby for the rest of your life, take tonight for yourself, take a Percocit, let the nurses keep the baby in the nursery and get yourself a full nights rest. I couldn’t believe my ears. It was ok to take drugs to help with my pain and exhaustion? It was ok to not nurse my baby for one night? Take care of myself?
Everything she was suggesting went against what I was feeling. I felt I had to be able to handle it all and do it all and do it well and with a smile on my face, and no drugs to help me. I listened to her and did it; I was blessed that night with the most compassionate nurse. She fluffed my pillows just right; she positioned the bed for me just so. I felt so cared for. I had a wonderful nights sleep. I woke up feeling wonderful and able to take care of my baby and myself and I was feeling capable of processing all my emotions with regard to my mother. On top of the feelings about her being hurt, me not being with her, there were the feelings of not having my Mom on one of the most important days in my life.
How do I learn to do this without her here? My mom recovered fine and continues to make up for missing my firstborn’s first week home, she comes to stay for a week almost every 3 months. She was the one who stayed with my firstborn while I gave birth to my second. I truly feel that if it were not for the Dr. telling me what I should do that night, I might not have left the hospital due to the fear of it all.
I am a 39 year old stay at home Mom who started blogging in order to save my marriage. My blog lets me vent away about surviving Motherhood, so husband doesn’t have to hear it all. I have 2 beautiful daughters who keep me on my toes every hour of the day. Come and listen to me vent away at Mommy Vents.